Wednesday, February 10, 2010
When I got that paper and the words on the page staring back at me in big bold letters said, "PREGNANT!" I was terrified. Petrified was more like it. You were finally here. No longer a though of what could have been at the back of my mind; but, a real baby... growing inside of me. You, my little girl..waiting to come into the world and turn it upside down with your undeniable beauty and your momma's wit.
I have always wanted a little girl. Now, I would have been glad for a little boy, but I couldn't hide my excitement when I found out that you were a little girl. I bought all the little pink things and hid them away for the day that I could dress you in your little pink onesie and cute sunhat and we could hit the road together. Mommy and Daughter. Now, most did not want the drama that comes along with little girls but me and you... We were going to be best-est friends.
My first few months with you in my tummy were the hardest. You kept me sick as ever. I could never keep any food down. It was literally hell; however, I was secretly counting the days until I could hold you in my arms. Now, as I am looking back on the time that we spent together, I would go back and re-live every waking moment if it meant that I could have you alive and well in my tummy and I could keep you safe.
I miss you Mickey Poo... more today than I ever thought that I could. My heart aches that you are not here. I often feel cheated, robbed of my time with you. You life was over all to soon. I wanted to teach you so much. I wanted you to experience life ... but only the great parts. I wanted to shield you from everything that was wrong and unjust with the world and if I could have I would've.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering what you would have been like. I know that you already had determination and a lot of fight in you, little girlie. Would you have had your momma's quick temper and passion? Or would you have picked up Momma N's cool and calm demeanor? My love of the color pink or Momma N's Cool Blues. I think you would have had both of our insatiable loves of reading and Momma N's ability to throw down in the kitchen. But these are things that I guess that I will find out when we meet again.
I want you to know that you are not forgotten and no one could ever take your place. You are my baby girl, my first born and I miss you... dearly.
Happy 7th Birthday Mickey Poo.
Momma loves you.
Monday, February 8, 2010
(Yea, Yea, I know that I am late but you love me anyways...)
I know that I have been M.I.A lately. Trust me, it was for my own development as an artist and person. I have grown... a lot. Still, I have not learned how to "tuck that stinger." (Umm yeah, I still gets down like that. ) So let's start the year off right...
Could someone shine the light on the Bitch down front.....?
Who are you looking around at... I am talking about you. Yes ma'am... you.
You are the lowest of all creation. When I look at you I cringe.
It is women like you who give the rest of us a bad name.
You are a sorry ass, lying, uneducated, piece of maggot shit and I hope you you go
play blindfolded in 5:00pm Atlanta traffic.
*Clears throat* That is all! *Drops mike and Exits Stage Right*
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Most people who know me are like.... MrzNikki, WTA is going on in your world and why are you FULL STINGER like this early in the AM? It is a very simple explanation for me climbing on the soap box this morning. There are some females in the world that should be lined up and shot in the head execution style. These are ones who have nothing better to do than to tell you a pack of lies and watch your reaction. What they don't know is I was not born stable and they are tempting fate.
2. Women who do not know what they want...
Starting to see a pattern here...? I absolutely detest them, hate them, and wish they would jump off the nearest bridge and die. These are the ones who are constantly bitching that there is no one there for them and when you present yourself...they push you away. What the fuck is that??? Next time you are lonely... snuggle up with your fucking pillow and lose my number.
3. Women who thing that they can hold more than one relationship at a time...
There is a adjective for you. WHORE... If that person is not giving you everything that you need, there is no need to lie to them and see another behind their back. Just let them go. Don't string them on...thinking that they are the only one when you are out spending time chilling with another. If they are your 80%... Don't do me the dis-service to only have the portion of you that they are not getting. I deserve so much more.
4. Women who do not recognize they are in a bad situation.
Honey, move on. If she ain't doing it, another will trust and believe me. Personally, I put up with a situation because I WANT TO... NOT because I have to. I mean look at me. I am not a paper bag date or lover. You can take me out and believe me... I turn heads. Classy, never trashy. I made you look good.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Dark sadden eyes
blurring with tears.
Painful scars are born
love is history
Futures crumble when doubt appears
No brightly lit hope envisioned
When followed after harsh words
Hurt souls split in twain,
Swooned by appeal-when numbness lured.
Apologies made, never bought.
Price paid turned out too costly.
Thought never known what would be wrought-
Must walk into the night softly
One wish, only to be released,
Granted-Now receive this token.
Words written in rhyme, love is deceased.
When promises made...were broken.
I loved someone.
I put someone before myself.
I made someone laugh.
I made someone smile.
I brought someone happiness...I think.
I hugged someone because I wanted.
I told someone that I loved her.
I trusted someone.
I told someone my fears ... and secrets.
I cried in front of someone.
I let someone hold me.
I let someone sing to my heart.
I did anything you wanted... because you wanted it so.
I did anything I could to make you happy.
I gave you 30 minute back rubs.
I lathered your feet with lotion and rubbed until my hands ached.
I started your day with a smile.
I ended your day with laughter.
I was there to wipe your tears, if you needed me.
I was there to keep you safe.
I was there to try and help you with it all.
I was there to be whatever you wanted/needed me to be.
And yet, you chose another over all these things..... pity.