Falling...Falling...Gone.

You know you're in love when you can't sleep...because reality is finally better than your dreams.

-Dr. Seuess

Things I absoluteley HATE...

1. Trifling, lying ass females.

Most people who know me are like.... MrzNikki, WTA is going on in your world and why are you FULL STINGER like this early in the AM? It is a very simple explanation for me climbing on the soap box this morning. There are some females in the world that should be lined up and shot in the head execution style. These are ones who have nothing better to do than to tell you a pack of lies and watch your reaction. What they don't know is I was not born stable and they are tempting fate.


2. Women who do not know what they want...

Starting to see a pattern here...? I absolutely detest them, hate them, and wish they would jump off the nearest bridge and die. These are the ones who are constantly bitching that there is no one there for them and when you present yourself...they push you away. What the fuck is that??? Next time you are lonely... snuggle up with your fucking pillow and lose my number.


3. Women who thing that they can hold more than one relationship at a time...

There is a adjective for you. WHORE... If that person is not giving you everything that you need, there is no need to lie to them and see another behind their back. Just let them go. Don't string them on...thinking that they are the only one when you are out spending time chilling with another. If they are your 80%... Don't do me the dis-service to only have the portion of you that they are not getting. I deserve so much more.


4. Women who do not recognize they are in a bad situation.

Honey, move on. If she ain't doing it, another will trust and believe me. Personally, I put up with a situation because I WANT TO... NOT because I have to. I mean look at me. I am not a paper bag date or lover. You can take me out and believe me... I turn heads. Classy, never trashy. I made you look good.


Love Always,
MrzNikki

Promises Made...

Yesterdays goals
dim memories.
Dark sadden eyes
blurring with tears.
Painful scars are born
love is history
Futures crumble when doubt appears

No brightly lit hope envisioned
When followed after harsh words
Hurt souls split in twain,
partitioned
Swooned by appeal-when numbness lured.
Apologies made, never bought.
Price paid turned out too costly.
Thought never known what would be wrought-

Must walk into the night softly
One wish, only to be released,
Granted-Now receive this token.
Words written in rhyme, love is deceased.
When promises made...were broken.

Admissions of a Scorpio

When you are on the road to recovery, from whatever you addiction was, the first step is admission. I was addicted to something... someone. Here are my admissions:

I loved someone.
I put someone before myself.
I made someone laugh.
I made someone smile.
I brought someone happiness...I think.
I hugged someone because I wanted.
I told someone that I loved her.
I trusted someone.
I told someone my fears ... and secrets.
I cried in front of someone.
I let someone hold me.
I let someone sing to my heart.
I did anything you wanted... because you wanted it so.
I did anything I could to make you happy.
I gave you 30 minute back rubs.
I lathered your feet with lotion and rubbed until my hands ached.
I started your day with a smile.
I ended your day with laughter.
I was there to wipe your tears, if you needed me.
I was there to keep you safe.
I was there to try and help you with it all.
I was there to be whatever you wanted/needed me to be.

And yet, you chose another over all these things..... pity.

Beautiful Stranger

Out of the crowds

Her face emerged,

A stranger with a

familiar look..... and a

story behind her eyes.

I am familiar with the plot,

I know that I have read it before...

The similarity rivals my own.

Below her eyes,

Her supple lips form a smile

My lips do the same in return,

She watches me as we pass,

She can read the story,

Behind my own eyes.

Strangers in a societal sense,

The recognition of familiarity...

and the promise to

meet yet again.

V-Day... Until the Violence Stops!

So, I just got my invitation to the Vagina Monologues hosted by my Alma Mater, Wesleyan College in Macon, Georgia. This year’s benefit production sheds light on the rape of women and girls in war-torn Democratic Republic of Congo. Proceeds from this year’s show benefit Commune des Femmes de Kamanyola, a non-profit organization dedicated to rehabilitating victims of sexual violence in the DRC. This year’s show also benefits the Rape Crisis Center and Safehouse in Macon.

So where will you be on Friday, February 13, 2009 @ 8:30 pm?

What is V-Day?

Eve Ensler states, "As I traveled with the piece to city after city, country after country, hundreds of women waited after the show to talk to me about their lives. The play had somehow freed up their memories, pain, and desire. Night after night I heard the same stories -- women being raped as teenagers, in college, as little girls, as elderly women; women who had finally escaped bring beaten to death by their husbands; women who were terrified to leave; women who were taken sexually, before they were even conscious of sex, by their stepfathers, brothers, cousins, uncles, mothers and fathers.... Slowly it dawned on me that nothing was more important than stopping violence toward women."

This led to a poignant and hilarious tour of the last frontier, the ultimate forbidden zone, The Vagina Monologues is a celebration of female sexuality in all its complexity and mystery. In this stunning phenomenon that has swept the nation, Eve Ensler gives us real women's stories of intimacy, vulnerability, and sexual self-discovery.

Celebrated as the bible for a new generation of women, The Vagina Monologues has been performed in cities all across America and at hundreds of college campuses. It has inspired a dynamic grassroots movement--V-Day--to stop violence against women. Witty and irreverent, compassionate and wise, Eve Ensler's Obie Award-winning masterpiece gives voice to women's deepest fantasies and fears, guaranteeing that no one who reads it will ever look at a woman's body, or think of sex, in quite the same way again.

Based on interviews with over 200 women about their memories and experiences of sexuality, The Vagina Monologues gives voice to women's deepest fantasies and fears, guaranteeing that no one who reads it will ever look at a woman's body, or think of sex, in quite the same way again. It is witty and irreverent, compassionate and wise. "At first women were reluctant to talk," Ensler writes. "They were a little shy. But once they got going, you couldn't stop them."

If you haven't heard of V-Day and the Vagina Monologues, please check it out and/or find a local college or community that will be putting on the play. Visit: http://events.vday.org/search.php

My Journey... continues

Yesterday I wrote about a time,
where I visited the River Styx,
It proved to be one of the hardest
trips that I had to make,
Giving my little one to the boatman,
Still my journey goes on.
My daughter...she still comes to me,
in my dreams,
sometimes as a infant,
sometimes as a toddler,
sometimes as a child,
I always know when she's here.
Looking after her mommy.
She lets me know that,
she is OK.
She is happy and content.
And sometimes it makes me wonder,
Why am I not as happy as my
Mickey-Girl.

Well, today I am making an affirmation.

I choose life.
Grief is a powerful thing.
For 8 years, I have let it consume me.
Devour my heart and soul until,
there was nothing left to give
to anyone else.
Today, I choose happiness.
I choose to look at life as a blessing,
not a burden.
Instead of thinking of what could have
been... I am looking at what I have.
I choose tranquility,
I choose peace,
I choose prosperity,
I choose to love,
I choose to live.



My life has been a series of uuupppsss and dddooowwwnnnsss.



But I choose to be me.
Had it not been for those life
lessons. I would not be the person
that I am today.



Today, I choose the top.
I will be successful,
I will be rich beyond my wildest imagination,
In life, love, and riches,
I will speak nothing but positive thoughts,
For they will re-align my life.

I come from a long lineage of
great Southern Ladies and I
will make them proud. I will be
the lady that I was groomed to be.



For everyone else:
I will see you at the top.
Mediocracy has never been
in my blood. I will not
fall prey to it now.
I hope that you see the greatness
in you that I have found in myself.



Lots of love, peace, and tranquility,

Signed,
Ms. Alfreda "Fre-" Whatley

PostScript: Sometimes you have to get a little rain in your life to see the rainbows. For me... it has been 8 years of rain and sometimes, I wondered would it ever cease. My faith faltered at times. I became downtrodden. But as a woman... I know that my God is an awesome one and She gave me everything that I need to survive in this very big world. See, I have learned when life gives you lemons... just learn how to make Lemonade. I don't know how you like yours but I like mine tangy but sweet just like me.

XOXO,

Fre-