Falling...Falling...Gone.

You know you're in love when you can't sleep...because reality is finally better than your dreams.

-Dr. Seuess

Promises Made...

Yesterdays goals
dim memories.
Dark sadden eyes
blurring with tears.
Painful scars are born
love is history
Futures crumble when doubt appears

No brightly lit hope envisioned
When followed after harsh words
Hurt souls split in twain,
partitioned
Swooned by appeal-when numbness lured.
Apologies made, never bought.
Price paid turned out too costly.
Thought never known what would be wrought-

Must walk into the night softly
One wish, only to be released,
Granted-Now receive this token.
Words written in rhyme, love is deceased.
When promises made...were broken.

Admissions of a Scorpio

When you are on the road to recovery, from whatever you addiction was, the first step is admission. I was addicted to something... someone. Here are my admissions:

I loved someone.
I put someone before myself.
I made someone laugh.
I made someone smile.
I brought someone happiness...I think.
I hugged someone because I wanted.
I told someone that I loved her.
I trusted someone.
I told someone my fears ... and secrets.
I cried in front of someone.
I let someone hold me.
I let someone sing to my heart.
I did anything you wanted... because you wanted it so.
I did anything I could to make you happy.
I gave you 30 minute back rubs.
I lathered your feet with lotion and rubbed until my hands ached.
I started your day with a smile.
I ended your day with laughter.
I was there to wipe your tears, if you needed me.
I was there to keep you safe.
I was there to try and help you with it all.
I was there to be whatever you wanted/needed me to be.

And yet, you chose another over all these things..... pity.

My Journey... continues

Yesterday I wrote about a time,
where I visited the River Styx,
It proved to be one of the hardest
trips that I had to make,
Giving my little one to the boatman,
Still my journey goes on.
My daughter...she still comes to me,
in my dreams,
sometimes as a infant,
sometimes as a toddler,
sometimes as a child,
I always know when she's here.
Looking after her mommy.
She lets me know that,
she is OK.
She is happy and content.
And sometimes it makes me wonder,
Why am I not as happy as my
Mickey-Girl.

Well, today I am making an affirmation.

I choose life.
Grief is a powerful thing.
For 8 years, I have let it consume me.
Devour my heart and soul until,
there was nothing left to give
to anyone else.
Today, I choose happiness.
I choose to look at life as a blessing,
not a burden.
Instead of thinking of what could have
been... I am looking at what I have.
I choose tranquility,
I choose peace,
I choose prosperity,
I choose to love,
I choose to live.



My life has been a series of uuupppsss and dddooowwwnnnsss.



But I choose to be me.
Had it not been for those life
lessons. I would not be the person
that I am today.



Today, I choose the top.
I will be successful,
I will be rich beyond my wildest imagination,
In life, love, and riches,
I will speak nothing but positive thoughts,
For they will re-align my life.

I come from a long lineage of
great Southern Ladies and I
will make them proud. I will be
the lady that I was groomed to be.



For everyone else:
I will see you at the top.
Mediocracy has never been
in my blood. I will not
fall prey to it now.
I hope that you see the greatness
in you that I have found in myself.



Lots of love, peace, and tranquility,

Signed,
Ms. Alfreda "Fre-" Whatley

PostScript: Sometimes you have to get a little rain in your life to see the rainbows. For me... it has been 8 years of rain and sometimes, I wondered would it ever cease. My faith faltered at times. I became downtrodden. But as a woman... I know that my God is an awesome one and She gave me everything that I need to survive in this very big world. See, I have learned when life gives you lemons... just learn how to make Lemonade. I don't know how you like yours but I like mine tangy but sweet just like me.

XOXO,

Fre-

That feeling...

That feeling is creeping up again,
like a thief ever so slight.
Threatening to take all my worldly possessions,
and then dissipate like a ghost in the night.

That thief, oh, thinks that he's so smart...
Thinks he can't be caught,
Thinks he is the perfect crook,
Thinks his game can not be shook.

One day, I am going to get a burglar alarm
and a dog to watch after my things,
I am going to stop leaving the door cracked,
Maybe then, I will stop being jacked
For all my worldly means.